)
Our hearts just ache. We wonder why it is so hard for us to obtain one of the things that is so easy to so many.
I am so angry that I let myself believe. I just knew it was too good to be true, why did I let myself believe??
I know that this just wasn't meant to be and I do believe our baby is out there. I pray and pray that we are matched again quickly. I can't bear the thought of waiting and waiting. Not after the happiness we were feeling just a short time ago has been ripped away, yet again.
Please God lead us down the right path, we need your guidance. Please lead us to our child...please!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Failed Adoption
I will write more at a later date. Right now, Josh and I are heart broken.
We called to talk with J and she was acting funny and asked for our number to call us back, she said she was just talking with her parents and wanted to finish. She called us back in about 1/2 hr (Josh and I just sat in the office by the phone waiting). We had a bad feeling. She called back and said she was having second thoughts and that she wanted to keep the baby. She said her boyfriend was going to help her...how devastating for us... We wished her the best of luck. Josh talked with her a bit and I cried and cried...
We called to talk with J and she was acting funny and asked for our number to call us back, she said she was just talking with her parents and wanted to finish. She called us back in about 1/2 hr (Josh and I just sat in the office by the phone waiting). We had a bad feeling. She called back and said she was having second thoughts and that she wanted to keep the baby. She said her boyfriend was going to help her...how devastating for us... We wished her the best of luck. Josh talked with her a bit and I cried and cried...
12 days to go...or less??
I am getting so excited, actually I should say we :o)
We went out shopping last night looking for a glider for me and one of our stops was the consignment store in NH that Josh and I went to to buy our all terrain stroller (when we were expecting last winter). Josh picked out a toy for the baby, LOL! A CAT front loader :O) I love this guy!!
He also said last night that he thinks we should put the car seat in my car and get it all ready.
I am starting to believe this is going to happen. Please God!
I mailed J's box on Monday (nightshirt, slipper socks, bathrobe, tic tacs, Crabtree body lotion). With a note saying that: Josh and I picked up these things for you so you have something comfy to wear in the hospital. Hope you like them. We look forward to meeting you soon.
Love, Jill and Josh with a little Golden Retriever sticker next to our names.
Grammy was moved to the 3rd (regular) floor yest. I guess she is doing some what better then. They are planning to move her to a rehab sometime this week. They think that the combo of meds she is on is contributing to her trouble breathing. Oh, God please, please watch over her, keep her safe and get her healthy. We are not ready to say goodbye to her...such a wonderful woman!
So, as we get close to this day...any day now...
I want you so badly. I don't care that we'll be away for Christmas as long as Josh and I can be with this baby...Please God watch out for this child, we are praying so much that he or she is completely healthy and becomes our baby. We are so ready to love you forever :o)
We went out shopping last night looking for a glider for me and one of our stops was the consignment store in NH that Josh and I went to to buy our all terrain stroller (when we were expecting last winter). Josh picked out a toy for the baby, LOL! A CAT front loader :O) I love this guy!!
He also said last night that he thinks we should put the car seat in my car and get it all ready.
I am starting to believe this is going to happen. Please God!
I mailed J's box on Monday (nightshirt, slipper socks, bathrobe, tic tacs, Crabtree body lotion). With a note saying that: Josh and I picked up these things for you so you have something comfy to wear in the hospital. Hope you like them. We look forward to meeting you soon.
Love, Jill and Josh with a little Golden Retriever sticker next to our names.
Grammy was moved to the 3rd (regular) floor yest. I guess she is doing some what better then. They are planning to move her to a rehab sometime this week. They think that the combo of meds she is on is contributing to her trouble breathing. Oh, God please, please watch over her, keep her safe and get her healthy. We are not ready to say goodbye to her...such a wonderful woman!
So, as we get close to this day...any day now...
I want you so badly. I don't care that we'll be away for Christmas as long as Josh and I can be with this baby...Please God watch out for this child, we are praying so much that he or she is completely healthy and becomes our baby. We are so ready to love you forever :o)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Another Grammy update
Grammy had trouble breathing last night and everyone rushed in...not sure what was done really, but we learned today she has congestive heart failure :o( She was really having a hard time breathing today when Mom and I visited with her. She has the mass in her L lung, both upper and lower lobe and fluid in her R lung...poor Grammy! She is getting hit so hard.
We love you Grammy and are praying for you!
We love you Grammy and are praying for you!
Grammy update
She was doing much better yest. We all went to see her (Dad stayed home with the dogs). She was sitting up in the chair, I guess she was there all day :o)
She looked much better, stopped vomiting and was in good spirits.
They did a KUB yest. to see about her abdominal bloat, we'll get those results today. She'll have further tests this week I would believe.
So at this point, she had suffered a heart attack some time around being admitted on Friday night. They did a CT as she reported some trouble breathing, the CT showed a large mass in her lung (tumor mass in L upper and lower lobe with extensive adenopathy). They want to make sure it hasn't spread into the chest wall, belly or surrounding areas, that's why they are concerned with the bloating. So, she has lung cancer and they also think she may have pneumonia also.
They are doing well at stabilizing her heart with medications and I guess we'll then work out biopsying the tumor, etc...
Will keep you updated.
Please keep praying for Grammy! I have some renewed hope that she may hang on for a while and maybe by the grace of God meet her Great Grandbaby! Please, oh please!!
God Bless!
She looked much better, stopped vomiting and was in good spirits.
They did a KUB yest. to see about her abdominal bloat, we'll get those results today. She'll have further tests this week I would believe.
So at this point, she had suffered a heart attack some time around being admitted on Friday night. They did a CT as she reported some trouble breathing, the CT showed a large mass in her lung (tumor mass in L upper and lower lobe with extensive adenopathy). They want to make sure it hasn't spread into the chest wall, belly or surrounding areas, that's why they are concerned with the bloating. So, she has lung cancer and they also think she may have pneumonia also.
They are doing well at stabilizing her heart with medications and I guess we'll then work out biopsying the tumor, etc...
Will keep you updated.
Please keep praying for Grammy! I have some renewed hope that she may hang on for a while and maybe by the grace of God meet her Great Grandbaby! Please, oh please!!
God Bless!
J is 38 weeks today
WOW!
Josh said this morning that he has a feeling that she will go this week, Thursday maybe. You watch, we'll all be wrong and she'll be late...
We played a little game in the family, called the Baby Game and guessed some stats, here they are.
Baby Game:
Jill Girl 12th or 15th or 20th (cuz I'm the mommy to be and can, lol!) 6.14 or 7.6 19.5 or 20.5
Josh Boy 16th 7.5 20
Elaine Girl 18th 6.10 19.5
Bill Girl 16th 6.3 14 (he~he)
Cindy Girl 20th 7.7 21
Grammy's guess is a Girl on Christmas week (she awoke 12-16 after having a dream that it was a healthy boy named Timothy (Timmy Joseph) He~He!
Aunt Anne Boy 23rd 6.5 @ 4:10 am
Tracy O Boy 17th 8
Helen Boy 25th 6.5 20
Barbara Boy 24th 7.3 20
Diana (ME) Girl 26th 6.5 19.5
Josh said this morning that he has a feeling that she will go this week, Thursday maybe. You watch, we'll all be wrong and she'll be late...
We played a little game in the family, called the Baby Game and guessed some stats, here they are.
Baby Game:
Jill Girl 12th or 15th or 20th (cuz I'm the mommy to be and can, lol!) 6.14 or 7.6 19.5 or 20.5
Josh Boy 16th 7.5 20
Elaine Girl 18th 6.10 19.5
Bill Girl 16th 6.3 14 (he~he)
Cindy Girl 20th 7.7 21
Grammy's guess is a Girl on Christmas week (she awoke 12-16 after having a dream that it was a healthy boy named Timothy (Timmy Joseph) He~He!
Aunt Anne Boy 23rd 6.5 @ 4:10 am
Tracy O Boy 17th 8
Helen Boy 25th 6.5 20
Barbara Boy 24th 7.3 20
Diana (ME) Girl 26th 6.5 19.5
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Grammy 's in the hospital
Dec 5th:
I just wanted to ask for some prayers for my Grammy. My parents took her to the ER tonight. She has cellulitis, some trouble breathing and a really high bp. They admitted her and will be running lots of test. She was in this time last year too and got her pacemaker put in. Josh and I are off to my company Christmas party now. I will update tomorrow when I know more. Thanks in advance for your prayers.
Dec 6th:
The Dr says it doesn't look good :o( It appears she had a heart attack at some point recently (yesterday??) they are putting her in ICU to try and regulate her heart (not exactly sure what is going on with it at this time) they also discovered a mass in her lung and think it is cancer (not sure what treatments would be done as she is 87 years old). I am so sad to know that we are due to up and leave at anytime to be all the way across the US for who knows how long and I don't want to miss time with her or worse, not be here at the end. I told my parents the other day, I can't wait to see Grammy hold our baby. I just pray to God that she recuperates from this and holds on till we return so we can be with her and she can meet our baby. Please pray for her. She stayed over our house last weekend and helped us put up the tree and she was doing great (has been really healthy other then needing the pace maker last year). It is so hard to deal with this now. I do know she has lived a great, long life, but please God just let her meet her Great Grandchild. When she found out about this baby, she said this will be the best Christmas ever, who would have known.
Thanks for all the prayers!
Thank you for your prayers...they mean so much to us.
We visited with her this morning and she is very tired (not like her at all) she has a lot going on, very suddenly. We have found out that she has a large mass in her lungs, that is cancer and is also unable to keep anything down and her stomach is distended all of a sudden so they suspect that she also has cancer in her abdomen or stomach. She is have trouble breathing and is on O2 and her heart is still not stabilized. She is such a sweetly naive person and doesn't see the extent of all of this, she thinks she'll be going home in 3 or 4 days... She refers to this as a problem that needs to be fixed and we are thinking they won't be able to do much because of her age and heart problems. In a way I am glad that she is naive and always looks on the bright side of things. I believe that is what has kept her going all through life, the loss of my Grandpa, etc...
Please continue to pray for her. Thank you!
I just wanted to ask for some prayers for my Grammy. My parents took her to the ER tonight. She has cellulitis, some trouble breathing and a really high bp. They admitted her and will be running lots of test. She was in this time last year too and got her pacemaker put in. Josh and I are off to my company Christmas party now. I will update tomorrow when I know more. Thanks in advance for your prayers.
Dec 6th:
The Dr says it doesn't look good :o( It appears she had a heart attack at some point recently (yesterday??) they are putting her in ICU to try and regulate her heart (not exactly sure what is going on with it at this time) they also discovered a mass in her lung and think it is cancer (not sure what treatments would be done as she is 87 years old). I am so sad to know that we are due to up and leave at anytime to be all the way across the US for who knows how long and I don't want to miss time with her or worse, not be here at the end. I told my parents the other day, I can't wait to see Grammy hold our baby. I just pray to God that she recuperates from this and holds on till we return so we can be with her and she can meet our baby. Please pray for her. She stayed over our house last weekend and helped us put up the tree and she was doing great (has been really healthy other then needing the pace maker last year). It is so hard to deal with this now. I do know she has lived a great, long life, but please God just let her meet her Great Grandchild. When she found out about this baby, she said this will be the best Christmas ever, who would have known.
Thanks for all the prayers!
Thank you for your prayers...they mean so much to us.
We visited with her this morning and she is very tired (not like her at all) she has a lot going on, very suddenly. We have found out that she has a large mass in her lungs, that is cancer and is also unable to keep anything down and her stomach is distended all of a sudden so they suspect that she also has cancer in her abdomen or stomach. She is have trouble breathing and is on O2 and her heart is still not stabilized. She is such a sweetly naive person and doesn't see the extent of all of this, she thinks she'll be going home in 3 or 4 days... She refers to this as a problem that needs to be fixed and we are thinking they won't be able to do much because of her age and heart problems. In a way I am glad that she is naive and always looks on the bright side of things. I believe that is what has kept her going all through life, the loss of my Grandpa, etc...
Please continue to pray for her. Thank you!
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