Great talk with J

Both Josh and I spoke with J last night. It was a great call! J seemed more friendly and open right off the bat and then Josh jumped in and she opened up some more. She said she had thought of a day for us to come...December 19th (she had mentioned this to me before).
She talked of how the agency told her she has 3 days till she can sign and that the baby would have to stay in the hospital an extra day, or in a foster home for a day or with her. I asked her what she thought of that, she said she couldn't take the baby because she didn't have anything for it (or something like that). We found out she has a new boyfriend who supports her and she'd like to return to school and work with animals. We also discussed the open adoption relationship we all hope to have. It was just a really good (relieving) conversation. The way she spoke makes us believe all over again that she has chosen us. I feel she has set her mind to this decision and she has decided she is not keeping this baby. I feel so relieved.
I was able to walk into the nursery again this morning and breath a sigh of relief.

Josh and I are so excited!

There is like 20 days until we may be meeting her...maybe less :o)

God Bless!

It clicked last night

Josh and I hosted Thanksgiving at our home this year. Mom, Dad, Grammy, Cindy, Fred and Phil came. We had a great dinner and day. Josh did the turkey...it was mmmmmm good :O) Everything was delicious! It was our first time using our China set we got for our wedding from Josh's parents. We were very excited to get to use it finally.
Grammy slept over and Josh and I put together our artificial Christmas tree yest. morning (we are putting it up really early this year as we just don't know how the month of Dec. will play out. I am getting all our Christmas stuff done ASAP and even wrote out all the cards on Wed. the day before Thanksgiving).

Well, last night after the tree was all lit up pretty and everyone (Mom, Dad and Grammy) left...they came down so Dad could cut a tree with Josh who ended up being called in to work(he's on call)and they also picked up Grammy to bring her home). Josh was still on the job and I sat alone in the living room with God's Arms CD playing (that Mom and Dad gave to us as a gift yest. morning when they got here) and just stared at the tree and it hit me, it finally clicked. As of right now, we are adopting this baby. I sat and thought about J's life and how even if she decided she wants to keep this baby, there is really no way she could. They can not afford to and live too. All the baby's hospital bills and baby expenses will be her responsibility. I so feel very sad for J that she is struggling in life and I want to see her make it better for herself. We'll never be able to thank her enough for this gift she'll be giving to us.

I have been so full of worry...what if this doesn't happen or she changes her mind??

Well, Josh believes it is going to happen and I want to believe along with him too!

We will still remain cautious and a little guarded, but we are so happy and we need to be able to live that feeling and express it...we deserve too.
I think that it is just so hard for me because this is something I have wanted for so long, much longer then the 2 years we have been ttc. And I just feel like all our hopes and dreams of this adoption are floating around in this balloon or this bubble and I am just waiting for someone to come by with a pin and pop it. I feel like it is too good to be true.

So, I will from now on promise myself I will believe...I will allow myself to believe it is going to happen and to feel the joyful feeling (like the day we found out we had been chosen) and push away the fear that has since replaced that initial joy.

Josh and I have been selected by a birth mother who is due around Christmas. We will fly out when ready and pray all goes well and we will be given the most blessed gift of all...a baby. We will love this baby and cherish he/she always as well as J for her strength and courage.

God Bless!

Our Birth Mom is 36 weeks, 1 day today

I still can't believe that we've been chosen. I have such fear of the what if. I just want the day to come so we can see if this baby will indeed be ours, this is so hard. To want something so much for so long and have it be right in front of you, but you don't actually know if you can have it...scary stuff!

Listening to all the adoption stories I try and compare them to ours and knowing that they had good outcomes, all we can do is keep praying.

I say, what is meant to be will be...I believe this, but at the same time the fear of it is very powerful. I am now at the point where I worry about the loss of the money and fear we won't have enough to continue on if this placement doesn't work.

I feel like it has to work...I feel at peace with this, believe it or not I am not as crazy as I thought I'd be during this time.
When I was pg, I didn't have a feeling it would end happily, but with this adoption, I have had a feeling from the get go that things would work out.

Please God bring this little one into the world safely and healthy and please God please allow us to be his/her Mommy and Daddy! We will never know a greater joy!!

5th Aparent class tonight

Another great and informative class! The presenter was an author of some books and an adoptee. He was great!
We also talked with another couple who has been chosen for a baby due at the end of January in NV and another couple who adopted a baby girl in September from NV...all from the same facilitator.
I will call Federal Travel tomorrow and see what I can find out. The couple who adopted in 9/08 recommended the Marriott Res. Inn (saying Fed. travel gets you great rates to stay there and also for flight and car rental).

Yesterday was my 32nd Birthday

WOW!
Josh and my Mom threw me an awesome party! It was such a good time. Mom baked me a cake and Dad decorated it with a Golden on it (he really tried...it was so funny). I'll have to post pics.
Cindy and Fred gave me an MP3 player. Mom and Dad gave me an apple peeler/corer/slicer, some really soft sage colored throw pillows and a few other things. Josh gave me some lovely perfume and a gift card to Lobster Boat...MMM!
It was a great day :O) Oh ya, C also gave Josh and I a little fuzzy doggie hat and mittens set for the baby...AWWW!
I tried calling yest. afternoon to talk with J, but she wasn't home. I'll try her again later in the week. I am not sure how much she wants us to call...
I believe she starts her 36th week of pg this week. I think she'll go 2 weeks early...we'll see!

Spoke with J again

I called her tonight to say hi and see how she's doing. She was just relaxing and watching tv. She said she's doing well. She told me about her appt. on Monday and that now she needs to go back on Thurs. for a recheck as she had to make something up for them to see her on Mon. I told her I'd check in with her again over the weekend.

Also,
I spoke with our SW today and she said that 3/4 of all the adoptions they do are the same situation as this Bfather and that we shouldn't worry too much because she can't really remember any coming forward...of course we are worried, but this has helped to hear.

Baby's due date

Got an email from our facilitator that said J was seen by a DR yest. and that the baby is healthy (not sure what tests or procedures were done), she heard the heartbeat and her due date is 12-22! She has another DRs appt. on Thursday afternoon.

Update:
I called to speak with J tonight and she was out so instead her Mom and I had a nice chat. She told me that J had an U/S yest. and all looked good with the baby...thank you God! She seems very supportive of the adoption, actually very for it. She knows it would be the best thing for this child. I told her to tell J I called and I would try her again tomorrow.

Name list

Josh and I sat down last night to work on a list of names to share with the Bmom (I'd like to refer to her as J from now on). We still both really love Aleigha for a girl and Joel for a boy, we were unable to come up with any other boy names we liked. So we are hoping she likes Joel.
For girls we like: Haylee
Josie
Makinlee
Terasa (Tess or Tessa)
Alexis
Keara/Keira
Rylee
None of them as much as Aleigha, but they are the best of all the ones we read in the baby name book.
Hopefully she'll like our favorite girl/boy names.

Wonder....................

I sit up these past few nights finding it hard to put my mind to rest. I wonder about you, about your future. Will we be your Mommy and Daddy?????

The fear in my heart that we just don't know the answer to this is so strong. I feel you out there, I feel I've known about you for a while now, yet we know nothing about you.
We pray first and foremost for your health and for your birth mom's strength and courage and for a smooth transition for all of us as we wait, wonder and worry about your birth fathers rights for what will seem like an eternity I am sure.

It is so, so very hard just not knowing what will ultimately happen.
I have become attached to this little one who is not yet here and who we have just came to find out about a mere week ago today.
We want you little one soooooo very much!
As the days go on I feel more worried I can't imagine things changing and us coming home without you or this situation not continuing at all.
Okay that's it, I need to and will stop worrying about this. What's going to happen is going to happen it is in God's hands and there is no changing what's to come, we need to accept whatever comes with this situation, but for now...We are CHOSEN and we wait excitedly for news each and every day.
I pray for you with all that I am that you are born healthy and strong and you are our baby!

God hear this prayer!

Surreal

This all feels so surreal. I look in the nursery and see the baby stuff packed. I got the car seat ready to grab and I can't help but feel like why am I doing this...oh, ya.
I guess this all comes from waiting and wanting this for so long.
I am sharing our news with all our friends both online and in real life and we are getting lots of kind words, thoughts, support and prayers and I just can't pray enough that we are not ALL let down in the end.
Everyone keeps saying you guys will be having the best Christmas ever and yes, we could or...we don't even want to think about the or.
Every time I think about the outcome that will make US happy I think about what the Bmom is going through...I can't imagine. I just believe that she knows that this decision is for the best.
I am truly terrified, we have so much waiting to do after baby comes before we know if he/she is ours. We wait 72 hours before bmom can sign and then 4 weeks (I think) for bdad to come round and sign or for his rights to be legally terminated. I am so scared to get in too deep emotionally, who am I kidding, we already are.
God please protect our hearts. You know how badly we want this and how much we are praying for this child.
This all feels so completely surreal!

Spoke with Bmom

I called and spoke with the Bmom yest. after I got out of work (about 5:30 our time) we spoke for about 20 mins or so. I feel it went really well...I hope she did too. She is hoping to get seen in the ER on Monday and I asked her if she'd like me to give her a call afterward to see how she is doing. She said I could give her a call on Tuesday. We hope she is able to be seen and we all can get some relief that all looks well.
While talking with her I could only imagine what she is going through. I told her how much respect I have for her and what she is going through. She sounded very shy and sweet. She asked if we'd be flying out to her state when the baby comes and if we'd send her pictures and letters letting her know how he or she is doing in the future, in school, etc...
I asked her if she had thought of any names or if she wanted us to come up with some. She thought we could all come up with some and talk about them.
I really hope our future conversations go well and we can become closer.
Funny thing is I swear she said she was due at the beg. of December, hmmm!

Josh and I have lots to do to get everything in order for Christmas. I hope to have all our gifts purchased and wrapped and everything else all set before we have to leave.

Josh is really feeling happiness and excitement. We toasted with Champagne last night to the hopes of a good future ahead. Please cont. to pray with us that everything cont. along this journey well. It is so hard just not knowing....

I told some of my friends at work yest. (Karen, Laura, Marilyn). They were very happy for us...Laura gave me a hug and was all teary.

This baby would mean the world to us. We pray with all we've got that this baby is healthy and becomes ours.

God Bless!

Spoke with our adoption agency

And they told us that the Bmom is very excited. She feels bonded to Josh and I through our profile. She didn't want to look at any others and wants us to be the family for her baby. WOW!
She is due around Christmas so I am giving her a due date of 12-15-08...he~he! So that makes her 35 weeks.
I really just can't believe this is happening for us so soon. I will never forget the feeling of peace I had Monday after consignment shopping. I felt so calm and relaxed about the process and probably a long wait. I returned home to a message from our facilitator. She wanted to know if we wanted to be considered for a Bmom's baby. I thought that meant she'd present us to the Bmom, but now I realize that meant that the Bmom had chosen us already. When we were first presented with the decision we had to do some considering, mostly now I think it was just because it was all so sudden. Now that a few days have passed and it has all begun to sink in it feels right. Esp. after hearing of how the Bmom is feeling about us...makes us feel very lucky. We pray that everything continues along smoothly...what are the chances of that?!
Josh spoke with his employer and they are aware that he may be needing a few weeks off around Christmas and told him they want to know what gender the baby is so they can get he or she a gift.
It scares me that things feel like they are right and both Josh and I are so happy and cautiously excited.
We haven't yet received the email from the facilitator with the Bmom's info or her phone # so we haven't spoken yet...I am so nervous!
I wonder what it was about us that she liked so much. We still haven't had a chance to talk on the phone yet. When we do, maybe I will ask her.

Adoption situation update ~ We are Chosen~

I spoke with our facilitator today to see if the bmom had made any choices yet, she said, yes, she has selected you guys :o)
OMG! We will be setting up a time, possibly tom. evening to speak with the bmom...wow!
She is about 31 wks now. We still have to go over stuff and consider some things, but we feel so very cautiously excited for this situation.
Please continue to pray with us that the best decision is made for this child.
Thank you!

We wait as Bmom looks at profiles

Okay, when we got the call on Monday that a Bmom had seen our info and expressed an interest in us (our facilitator told her she wasn't sure we were still available so she could run the situation by us) and we needed to decide if we wanted to be considered for her particular situation, we got excited...this was our first call (I was shaking, hyperventilating and smiling ear to ear). I called Josh at work and told him about this situation. We discussed it and both decided to pursue it. I called our facilitator back and told her that we both were fine with the situation and she said good, she'd give Bmom our profile to look through and call us tom. (yest.). No call yest. that's ok, I know these things take time, but as yest. came and went and we waited, I realized something...we want this baby. All of us, my whole family would love this to be the child for us.
So, we wait...again and see.
I keep telling myself to think with my head and not my heart...that was pretty easy until yest. afternoon when I started really wanting this.
I honestly just pray for this Bmom while she makes this amazingly tough decision.
We pray she chooses us if this is the baby God has meant for us. We'd then have to wait and make sure the baby checks out okay on exam as Bmom hasn't had any prenatal care.
Please pray with us for all involved in this situation and we'll update as soon as we know anything.
Thank you!

2 mos. waiting today and a call

We got a call today from our facilitator. She has a bmom who expressed interest in us and she wanted to know if we were interested in the situation. Josh and I decided early on we wanted to adopt a Caucasian baby. In this situation, the bmom is Caucasian and the bfather is Hispanic.
We are both okay with this and feel God will bring us to "our" child. I spoke with Josh to be sure he wanted to pursue the situation we were presented with and I then called back our facilitator and said, yes, we would be interested. She said she'd have bmom look at our profile and she'd be in touch with us again tomorrow.
I got lots of info on bmom...nothing I want to go into now, except that she is due around Christmas.
Please pray with us that the right decision is made by all. Thanks!

2 months waiting

Today marks two months since beginning our wait to adopt. More later...

Another poem

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.

He took a breath,
and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

How we celebrated our 2 year Anniversary

Josh and I celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary today. We can't believe it has been 2 years already. I just wanted to post and say how much I love him. He is a wonderful husband and truly a wonderful man. We agreed not to spend money on each other as we need to save it for our adoption. I bought DH a card and wrote from my heart what he means to me. DH came home from work with a dozen roses and we went to dinner (a gift from my Mom and Dad) and then a movie (Chunky's Cinema) where we had coffee and split a huge piece of yummy fudge cake. We then got home and had champagne and talked with each other about life, love and our future (he thinks that on our next Anniversary we will have a baby, we shall see). I just love how he made it a very special night for us. I feel so blessed that God brought him into my life.
As Josh wrote on my card and what we said as we toasted: 2 down, many more to come!

Our 2nd Wedding Anniversary

Is today :o)
Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband! I love you more and more as times goes by. Can't wait to celebrate tonight with dinner and a movie.
My Mom and Dad gave us a card, 2 bottles of Champagne and some moolaa to go out and celebrate.
I wouldn't want to know life without my Joshaboo. Thank you God for bringing him into my life.