OMG! J called this morning, she's heading to the hospital

She called around 8 am and said she thought she was in labor. We called Tim at the travel agency right away and got our flight booked (earliest and most direct possible) for 7pm tonight out of Logan to get to NV for 10:11 pm...OMG We are soooo nervous. We are going to go over to see Grammy in the new rehab she is in very shortly. Tim also booked our hotel and rental car...yay! He was an amazing help!
We are so nervous and anxious right now...too much so to be excited I think.

Funny when we got the call this am (Josh answered) Josh was making his oatmeal cookies with white choc bits and I was rocking in my new glider...OMG!!

Please, please God watch over all of us, help us to have safe travels, J have a safe labor and baby to be healthy. Take care of Grammy, our whole family and doggies while we are gone. Praying with all that I am that the next post I type when I return is a very very happy one.

Please GOD!

Merry Christmas!

We all had a great Christmas although we missed spending the day with Grammy who is still in the hospital.
No baby yet. I just looked back at some of J's info we had gotten and noticed based on LMP and days between periods that her due date would have been 12-24-08. So she is just one day over today...interesting and I have no idea why I didn't think to check this earlier..LOL!

To the ones who are no longer with us this holiday

To my Grandma Catherine, Grandpa Gus, Grampa Joe, Audrey and Peanut. I miss you all very much!

I remember Grandma how you were always there. Every Christmas and every holiday was celebrated with you. You were always living life, active, learning, healthy and happy. I strive to be like that. You were the glue that kept everyone together...our family will never be the same without you and that saddens me. Oh to see your smile and hear your laugh again. I miss you lots.

Grandpa Gus...I only new you for a short time as you passed away when I was just a baby. Sadly I don't remember you, but I hear lots of stories from my Dad. I wish I got to know you better and I want you to know that you are missed by all of us.

Grampa Joe...every year you and Grammy would send us a box of little presents we made a tradition of opening one a night for a few nights leading up to Christmas. You'd call me and say "I just called to say I love you" that brings tears to my eyes now. I remember you calling us from FL every Christmas day and asking us what we got. I miss you and would love to give you a hug right now...I can still smell your cologne. Grammy is sick right now and we pray for her to stay with us for a while longer as we aren't ready to let her go yet. I know when God calls her home she will be with you once again and I take comfort in knowing that. I love you Grampy!

Audrey although you were technically a family friend, you were an Aunt to us. You met me the day I was born and you were there always. Your calm demeanor and gentle way is missed greatly in our family. Sometimes you just don't know how special someone is until you loose them. Whenever I go to ME to visit A. Anne I expect you there. I want you to know we all loved you and you are very much missed.

I also miss our little peanut who we conceived at the end of this month last year and lost at the end of January. We had such hopes and dreams for our lives when we found out about you and we will forever remember you as just that, a hope and a dream that came true just by finding out about you. We miss what would have been.

I also think about all the friends that have passed away too young and leave their children and loved ones. And the friends who have lost their young babies/ children. My heart goes out to all of them and their families.

God Bless!

40 weeks, 2 days & Christmas Eve today

We'll see what today brings...
At this point I feel like we are being teased into thinking we'll be here tonight for Christmas Eve and tomorrow for Christmas, but one just doesn't know for sure. All it takes is one moment for that to change and us to be heading off. I do hope now that we get to enjoy the holiday home here and then have baby come some time soon after Christmas. What are the chances?!
As the days progress I know it is getting closer and closer and I am feeling just fear and nervousness for what is to come.

Well,
Merry Christmas Eve!

40 weeks and 1 day today

Where are you baby? Are you going to wait till Christmas to show?? :o)

12-22-08 baby's due today!

Ahhh, were to start...All these feelings. Nervousness, anxiousness, excited, scared, happy, hopeful! We are feeling them all.
To know you are due today or really any day now...WOW! That amazes me. I remember 11-10 like it was yesterday and hearing Terry's message on the machine about you and now you are due.
It is so hard not knowing how things will ultimately go, but we already feel love for you. It is true that you've grown in our hearts! I can picture your sweet little face and pray every moment that you are healthy.

We just want you to know that we are ready for you, physically and mentally :o) We can't wait till the day you arrive, the first time we hear about you, see you, hold you...just thinking about it makes me catch my breath.

Well baby, you're Mommy and Daddy and whole family are ready to meet you so come on out, lol!
I am going to take your furry brothers for a ride (this will be their first time riding in Mommy's truck with your car seat in there, wonder how they'll like that, lol!) I need to pick up a few more things for us to eat as we are running out of food waiting here for you, we thought we'd be long gone to get you by now. And when I am out, I'm going to stop at Babies R Us and buy you something to mark this day, your due date.

Hmmm, wondering how much longer we'll wait????????????

God Bless!

J called us last night

She wanted to say hi. We chatted a bit and had a nice conversation. She's hoping to hold off on having the baby till after Christmas, lol! Only change as of now is her back is really hurting her and she just feels huge, uncomfortable for her to sleep. I can't imagine her not going till after Christmas...this being her 3rd baby I can't believe he or she hasn't come earlier. And so we wait...

I guess no baby today

I called and spoke with J's Mom (J is staying with friends who are closer to the hospital). Just wanted to see how J was doing. Her Mom says she's good, no changes yet. Wow, I would have put money on it that she'd be going long before her due date. J received our background info on Fri. and her Mom said that made J feel a lot better as all she had on us was our profile book. Well tomorrow is her due date so as I have been saying...any day now!

1 day till due date

No baby yet. I really would have thought she'd go before this. We are in the middle of another snow storm here...due for another 10 inches or so. We also got 10 inches on Friday through Saturday, actually it really hasn't stopped snowing since when it started on Fri. Yest. the snow came down all day, but very lightly. Today it is coming at a heavy clip again. The starter on the plow truck is stuck so the truck isn't starting...Josh is working on that right now.
We installed the Safeseat in my car this morning and the little rain forest mirror too, what fun!
As excited as I am for baby to be here. I am hoping to get through this storm (first day of winter today) before we get "the" call.

Update on Gram too. She was brought back to Nashoba on Fri. her WBC was up and they wanted to run tests to see why. She has a UTI, she also suffered another heart attack the day before that at the rehab when she was c/o severe heartburn and a bad headache. Her heart Dr. over there thought her heart was getting progressively worse so he had her transferred to Beth Isreal where she is now and she's doing well. She is on the cardiac unit and the plan is for her to have a an angioplasty tomorrow some time and hopefully then be returning to rehab. We all are really hoping she'll be able to be home for Christmas. Who knows where we'll be!?

So, as we wait we pray for a healthy baby boy or girl.

Come on baby...we are ready!

Our bags are all packed and ready in the kitchen. We moved the bassinet into our room and are just waiting for the call. We feel ready to go! We are both feeling very anxious, nervous and excited...OMGosh 2 days to her due date...any day now!

Nothing yet

Just had a quick chat with J and she is feeling good, no changes yet.

Snow in LV...

I awoke this morning to find out that it snowed in Vegas. The news reports it's their worst storm in 30 years (2 inches in 1967, 9 inches in 1974)...go figure! They've got at least 3 inches and it's not clear if the airport is still open or not...yikes! It is so rare to snow there it seems really strange that it is doing it now of all times.
We're due for more snow tomorrow 6-12 inches. I have a feeling we'll be traveling in snow one way or another.

New travel plan...

I just got off the phone with our SW. It seems our facilitator talked with J to see what her plan was for us to come out there and J told her that she doesn't want anything to do with the baby after he or she is born. She doesn't even want to see the baby. She wants Josh and I to be the ones to take care of the baby and bond with the baby in the hospital. Our facilitator was feeling her out as far as her certainty with her adoption plan as she knows it would be a big financial loss for us to go out there and return without the baby if J were to change her mind. They all feel pretty certain that she has made this plan and will be sticking to the plan.
So, when her Mom calls and says she is in labor, we are off and running. We'll need to up and go asap.

All we can do is pray that he or she is healthy.

J does want to meet us and spend some time with us in the hospital.

I am glad that we will have this time with the baby right after birth and while in the hospital. I do feel bad for J. I can't imagine how hard this will be for her.
When we didn't think we'd be traveling for 72 hours the other day I was a little sad that we wouldn't be there to be with the baby right after birth, but now we get to be there asap...wow!

Once discharged from the hospital the baby will go into cradle care and we can visit the baby there until the surrender is done.

God please, please let this all work out for us. Our hearts are so invested in this now.

Now I am even more anxious for "the" call :o)

5 days to go...okay, baby time to come out, ;o)

Three years ago today

Josh proposed to me. He said this morning he'd do it all over again...good ;o)

He was saying wouldn't it be funny if J had the baby today because 3 years ago on this day he put on our song (sung by an female artist who shares the name that J picked out ~ it seemed like it was meant to be as soon as we heard the girls name she liked)sat me down, got down on one knee, took my hand and asked me to marry him.
I love my Josaboo so much and I thank the Lord for him each day.

We are getting so anxious to hear that this little boy or girl has arrived safe and healthy. Then we just need to get through 72 hours till J surrenders and we are on our way to get him or her.

God Bless!

Spoke with our SW

We talked about sending some money to J for transportation.
I asked her about when we should travel and she said she and J's counselor will be pushing for it to be after the surrender so we aren't out any travel money if J changes her mind.
J's counselor will talk to J about this and encourage this situation so hopefully J is okay with that. If not, we'll see...

J is 39 weeks today

7 days to go...wow!

I called to talk with J tonight to see how things are going. Her Mom told me she is staying with a friend now that she is so close to her due date (closer to hospital and has transportation).

I had a nice long chat with her Mom. She told me all about the evening that J had changed her mind (briefly) and came back to her original decision. It was good to hear why this had happened (I won't share the details here).

I can't believe it is getting so close.
I got the Graco Metrolite and car seat base out of the garage tonight to go with the Snugride car seat. So we'll be ready to go.

I need to call and talk with our SW tomorrow to see what she thinks about us waiting to go out till after baby has arrived and J is ready to sign or till TPR is signed. I don't know what J thinks about that either...
I 'll call her on Wed. to see if she is back at her Mom and Dad's and see how she is doing.

More later...

God Bless!

J called last night

She called to thank us for the package we sent her. She said she really liked it.
She had gone to see her adoption counselor/ SW yesterday afternoon at the agency she is working with. She said she talked with them and they said what she is feeling is normal. She said they showed her the forms she'd be signing.
She said the agency was wondering if we'd be coming there before the baby was born or after.
We'd prefer to travel there after the baby has arrived safe and sound and we hear he/she is healthy and that J will be signing or has signed TPR. We are hoping that this is the way we can do this. Then we can meet her afterward and give her her New England bag and gift.
She feels she'll go full term.
She had asked the agency what happens if the Bfather comes back after she has signed, they said we and he would have to go to court. We asked her if he had been interested in parenting and she said he didn't want her to give up the baby for adoption, but she hasn't spoken to him or seen him in many months now.
We just keep praying for all involved in this adoption situation.

New name list

J called back last night

She called us around 11:45 pm (here) and she was very calm, sounded happier then ever and apologized over and over again. She said she was going to go through with the adoption. That she had made her mind up and wasn't changing it. She wants us to have the baby. Her boyfriend came back into the picture and was trying to get her to keep the baby (not sure yet if it is Bfather or not), but when they started to talk about how things would work, she realized they weren't going to. She said she was going through an emotional roller coaster over the past 2 days and she is sure now. We asked her if she would change her mind again (I know, one never knows) and she said a firm no. So I guess we proceed from here very cautiously and guarded. I need to call our SW and update her on the change again. Josh and I would really like it if we could wait till TPR is signed before traveling just in case.

I will keep you all updated.

Heart broken

Our hearts just ache. We wonder why it is so hard for us to obtain one of the things that is so easy to so many.
I am so angry that I let myself believe. I just knew it was too good to be true, why did I let myself believe??
I know that this just wasn't meant to be and I do believe our baby is out there. I pray and pray that we are matched again quickly. I can't bear the thought of waiting and waiting. Not after the happiness we were feeling just a short time ago has been ripped away, yet again.
Please God lead us down the right path, we need your guidance. Please lead us to our child...please!

Failed Adoption

I will write more at a later date. Right now, Josh and I are heart broken.

We called to talk with J and she was acting funny and asked for our number to call us back, she said she was just talking with her parents and wanted to finish. She called us back in about 1/2 hr (Josh and I just sat in the office by the phone waiting). We had a bad feeling. She called back and said she was having second thoughts and that she wanted to keep the baby. She said her boyfriend was going to help her...how devastating for us... We wished her the best of luck. Josh talked with her a bit and I cried and cried...

12 days to go...or less??

I am getting so excited, actually I should say we :o)

We went out shopping last night looking for a glider for me and one of our stops was the consignment store in NH that Josh and I went to to buy our all terrain stroller (when we were expecting last winter). Josh picked out a toy for the baby, LOL! A CAT front loader :O) I love this guy!!

He also said last night that he thinks we should put the car seat in my car and get it all ready.

I am starting to believe this is going to happen. Please God!

I mailed J's box on Monday (nightshirt, slipper socks, bathrobe, tic tacs, Crabtree body lotion). With a note saying that: Josh and I picked up these things for you so you have something comfy to wear in the hospital. Hope you like them. We look forward to meeting you soon.
Love, Jill and Josh with a little Golden Retriever sticker next to our names.

Grammy was moved to the 3rd (regular) floor yest. I guess she is doing some what better then. They are planning to move her to a rehab sometime this week. They think that the combo of meds she is on is contributing to her trouble breathing. Oh, God please, please watch over her, keep her safe and get her healthy. We are not ready to say goodbye to her...such a wonderful woman!

So, as we get close to this day...any day now...
I want you so badly. I don't care that we'll be away for Christmas as long as Josh and I can be with this baby...Please God watch out for this child, we are praying so much that he or she is completely healthy and becomes our baby. We are so ready to love you forever :o)

Another Grammy update

Grammy had trouble breathing last night and everyone rushed in...not sure what was done really, but we learned today she has congestive heart failure :o( She was really having a hard time breathing today when Mom and I visited with her. She has the mass in her L lung, both upper and lower lobe and fluid in her R lung...poor Grammy! She is getting hit so hard.
We love you Grammy and are praying for you!

Grammy update

She was doing much better yest. We all went to see her (Dad stayed home with the dogs). She was sitting up in the chair, I guess she was there all day :o)

She looked much better, stopped vomiting and was in good spirits.

They did a KUB yest. to see about her abdominal bloat, we'll get those results today. She'll have further tests this week I would believe.

So at this point, she had suffered a heart attack some time around being admitted on Friday night. They did a CT as she reported some trouble breathing, the CT showed a large mass in her lung (tumor mass in L upper and lower lobe with extensive adenopathy). They want to make sure it hasn't spread into the chest wall, belly or surrounding areas, that's why they are concerned with the bloating. So, she has lung cancer and they also think she may have pneumonia also.
They are doing well at stabilizing her heart with medications and I guess we'll then work out biopsying the tumor, etc...
Will keep you updated.
Please keep praying for Grammy! I have some renewed hope that she may hang on for a while and maybe by the grace of God meet her Great Grandbaby! Please, oh please!!
God Bless!

J is 38 weeks today

WOW!
Josh said this morning that he has a feeling that she will go this week, Thursday maybe. You watch, we'll all be wrong and she'll be late...

We played a little game in the family, called the Baby Game and guessed some stats, here they are.


Baby Game:

Jill Girl 12th or 15th or 20th (cuz I'm the mommy to be and can, lol!) 6.14 or 7.6 19.5 or 20.5

Josh Boy 16th 7.5 20

Elaine Girl 18th 6.10 19.5

Bill Girl 16th 6.3 14 (he~he)

Cindy Girl 20th 7.7 21

Grammy's guess is a Girl on Christmas week (she awoke 12-16 after having a dream that it was a healthy boy named Timothy (Timmy Joseph) He~He!

Aunt Anne Boy 23rd 6.5 @ 4:10 am

Tracy O Boy 17th 8

Helen Boy 25th 6.5 20

Barbara Boy 24th 7.3 20

Diana (ME) Girl 26th 6.5 19.5

Grammy 's in the hospital

Dec 5th:

I just wanted to ask for some prayers for my Grammy. My parents took her to the ER tonight. She has cellulitis, some trouble breathing and a really high bp. They admitted her and will be running lots of test. She was in this time last year too and got her pacemaker put in. Josh and I are off to my company Christmas party now. I will update tomorrow when I know more. Thanks in advance for your prayers.

Dec 6th:

The Dr says it doesn't look good :o( It appears she had a heart attack at some point recently (yesterday??) they are putting her in ICU to try and regulate her heart (not exactly sure what is going on with it at this time) they also discovered a mass in her lung and think it is cancer (not sure what treatments would be done as she is 87 years old). I am so sad to know that we are due to up and leave at anytime to be all the way across the US for who knows how long and I don't want to miss time with her or worse, not be here at the end. I told my parents the other day, I can't wait to see Grammy hold our baby. I just pray to God that she recuperates from this and holds on till we return so we can be with her and she can meet our baby. Please pray for her. She stayed over our house last weekend and helped us put up the tree and she was doing great (has been really healthy other then needing the pace maker last year). It is so hard to deal with this now. I do know she has lived a great, long life, but please God just let her meet her Great Grandchild. When she found out about this baby, she said this will be the best Christmas ever, who would have known.
Thanks for all the prayers!

Thank you for your prayers...they mean so much to us.
We visited with her this morning and she is very tired (not like her at all) she has a lot going on, very suddenly. We have found out that she has a large mass in her lungs, that is cancer and is also unable to keep anything down and her stomach is distended all of a sudden so they suspect that she also has cancer in her abdomen or stomach. She is have trouble breathing and is on O2 and her heart is still not stabilized. She is such a sweetly naive person and doesn't see the extent of all of this, she thinks she'll be going home in 3 or 4 days... She refers to this as a problem that needs to be fixed and we are thinking they won't be able to do much because of her age and heart problems. In a way I am glad that she is naive and always looks on the bright side of things. I believe that is what has kept her going all through life, the loss of my Grandpa, etc...
Please continue to pray for her. Thank you!

19 days to go till 12-22!!!

J is 37 weeks today

So we (J, Josh and I) are in the final stretches, wahoo! Okay baby, we are ready for you...you can come any time now :O)