We lost our little peanut :o(

The blood work confirmed it. Our little peanut is now an angel ;o( I started to get some cramps on Sunday night. Monday morning they were worse and I started to bleed. Josh went to work yest. am and got laid off. Not our day. Last night my cramps got much worse and they were so intense today (I was in a lot of pain) and started to bleed really heavily w/lg clots...yuck.
I went in for blood work that confirmed the loss. Weird thing is my HCG was only 5 and Prog. was 1. So she thinks I lost the baby some time before the cramping and bleeding started yest. otherwise the numbers would have been higher today. She even said if I was pregnant, well I got lots of BFPs on hpts so I must have been, but this makes me worry. Why can't it just be cut and dry. I try to tell myself and others say it too, well at least we can get pregnant, but then I think of this strange occurrence with the low #s and loss and her wondering if I was even pregnant. I must have been, I had sx. This just frightens me and makes me think there are so many problems with my fertility. I just pray that the Clomid and GOD help us again and that we have better luck next time.
I go in tomorrow to get a Rhogam shot as I have A- blood and that is it.
I am handling it better then I ever thought I would. Josh is the best, he is the only one I know that can even make me laugh and smile through something like this. We will be anxious to start trying again. We hope it doesn't take nearly as long and that we have better luck next time. We informed our families. I just need to still tell my Grandmother. I was so looking forward to adding a little one to our family and even though it isn't my fault, I feel so sad that I will not be making my Mom and Dad grandparents yet or making Josh a Daddy. I pray that in time we can make this happen and our dreams come true.

Feeling really uneasy

I am being crazy and have been taking an hpt almost every day since our BFP (I got a bunch cheap off the internet)well yest. the test line was so faint, I figured it must be because I peed like 6 x in 1 hr. Did another and that one was a little darker. Figured the one I will do this am will be nice and dark. Well it is soo faint...like they are getting fainter. This freaks me out (I shouldn't have done this to myself). I am 22 dpo today so the HCG should be nice and built up, I keep waiting for the strong test line. I am so afraid that this means my hcg is decreasing or has decreased.
My cramping went away about 5 days ago, I still get occ. twinges here and there (just had a few a few minutes ago), I am tired, but also have a yucky cold, I was bloated in the beg. now feel better, I might have had a moment or two of nausea, my boobs are sore (I was putting on prog. cream for a week or so and in the past that had made them sore),peeing more, but for the most part...nothing. I almost wish I had m/s so I could feel pregnant. I am so worried. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm pregnant, yet I just don't feel like I am, physically or mentally. This scares me. I belong to lots of message boards for women due in Sept. and it seems lots of them don't have any sx yet. I am 5 weeks now(FF= 5 wks/ 4 days, expecing brd = 5wks/ 1 day)so it is still really early. I just pray so hard with all my might that our little one is in there, he/she hangs on tight and is well. I want nothing more then to see our little on on u/s on the 30th and then I will believe it is true. GOD please watch over us and our little one.

Wed. 16th ???4 weeks, 4 days or 5 weeks???

Per FF I am 5 weeks today (the tickers I have made for forums like what to expect and Dm both show 4 weeks and 4 days...so anyway...
My sx yest. were sore boobs, tired, stomach felt heavy, very hungry at dinner last night (still have yucky cold)and today my boobs are still quite sore and I have a few cramps here and there (didn't have much of an appetite this am). Bs still been good! Have lost 4 pounds since Christmas.

Last noc Josh and I went out to Chilis then to Lowes and we also went to a baby boutique/ consignment store on the way. We both fell in love with a cool Zooper stroller they had on consignment for $65. (it's original price is in the $300. or so). We cleaned it all up last night...we had a fun time together, Josh was really into it :O)

Symptoms so far

Starting 4 dpo I have had cramping. Also have had a backache for a while during two week wait and still achy now, as well as bloating. Been very tired, ready for bed my 7 and wanting to nap too. Had a headache on Friday and Saturday, and on and off. A few days I have had increased hunger and just since last noc have started feeling a little nausea and my breasts have begun really aching. They feel real sore and heavy this morning. I have also been peeing more. The cramping is still my most prominent sx. I get some occ. shart pain feelings...luckily I have researched this and read it is normal as long as there isn't any bleeding. I check every time I go to the bathroom...what a worry. I think it may be pulling and stretching, referred to as round ligament pain. Most of the time you experience it in the 2nd trimester, but it seems a lot of woman experience it in the early weeks like me. My belly/ abdomen feels so firm/ full/hard and sore already and my sides ache.My bs has been really great (having a few lows typically each day)...hope this keeps up, it is a big help not having to worry about this while adjusting to pregnancy.
That is all I can think of right now. I have to say so far I love feeling the little bit of sx I have...w/ each cramp it reminds me of what is going on in there or what we hope is going on in there (been taking a hpt each day and the T lines are getting darker). We have our 1st OB appoint. w/ u/s on the 30th. We are praying that our little one is indeed in there and is okay and hangs on tight. It is such a scary feeling not knowing for sure if there really is an embryo in there. I can't imagine going in and them not seeing anything. All we can do is pray and try not to worry. It will be tough getting through the next 16 days. Wish us luck!

We're pregnant!

We did it :O) Thank you GOD and thanks for the help Clomid!
I took another hpt this am and got another BFP (faint, but there). I still wasn't believing it, so this afternoon I took a digital test and it said....PREGNANT! Now that is believable. I am pregnant....woooohooooo!
I called my Drs office and they don't want to see me till I am 6-8 wks so I have an appointment January 30th at 10:10 followed by an u/s at 11:30 and then blood work, YAY!

Funny thing, I had it all planned out how I was going to tell Josh, but when he got home last night and said "anything?" meaning AF, BFN, BFP, I said well, and had to show him the tests to see if he saw the lines...he did. We were both very cautiously excited last night and again this am, but now that I have read the word on the digital test, I believe it, it is finally sinking in and I think he will feel the same way tonight when he sees what the digital test says :O)

I am having a hard time keeping this from my Mom and Dad. I have been thinking of ways to tell them and I am hoping Josh gets home from work early enough, I would like to show up at their house tonight and say we just felt like a drive and that we brought them their mail (they typically get mail at our house still as they lived here before we did)and put in the post card/ announcement I had made up free (from an online co that I got my return address labels from at Christmas, they had an after Christmas free stuff sale and I just paid for the shipping). I made these cards up and thought heck they are free if I never need them I'll throw them away...thankfully we will need them :O)I can't wait to see their reaction, esp. Mom who I know prays for us and a baby everyday. She will be so excited. Oh, I hope we can tell them tonight. I have to admit though I am a little nervous, silly me!

Well, that's it for now. Just got to keep telling myself I AM PREGNANT and let it sink in.

GOD thank you from the bottom of our hearts for helping us create our miracle. I was really starting to think this may never happen for us, and we just needed a little help I guess.
If you could pray with us that this little one hangs on tight in there and is well.

Thanks so much!

OMG

I took an hpt this am = BFN. Was feeling so discouraged today. Decided to take another one around 1 pm (possibly torture myself). I left it on the desk in the office and came back in like 1 hr. It had a faint line where the T line is. I have checked almost all my hpts after the fact and never, never have a ever saw even a smidge of a line there. So, I peed again (only held it for 1 hr) and did 2 more tests (1 was same cassette kind and one a stick) both show faint lines. OMG! I can not believe this. I had this feeling this would be the month. I called Cindy (my sister) and told her " I have 3 faint + hpts sitting in front of me" and told her not to tell anyone. I want to get a strong positive, then use the one I have that says pregnant and give it to Josh and then tell our families.
I pray that this is actually it and it is a sticky one too. Please GOD please!

OMG! I just can't believe it. I am too afraid to be happy, LOL!

Triphasic BBT chart

FF gave me the message today that my chart is possibly triphasic on cd 25 (7 dpo). I have never had a triphasic chart before. I know it can mean pg, but I know you can just have a chart like that and still get af. I tested yest. and today (10 dpo) both BFN. I am hoping it is just too early.
My temp today was 98.54 and my chart looks so good. I am just really nervous because now being on Clomid, I have no idea how long it will make my lp and I am afraid it will just get to a point were my bbt will just plummet.
I have to say, that my stomach feels so bloated today, I feel pulling at times low in my abdomen and have bad heartburn today. I know, I know, probably all s/e of Clomid, but one can hope.

Will let you all know what comes next.

The tww

Oh my, this is soooo hard...this waiting. I caved in today and took a test (9 dpo) BFN...thinking of course it is too early and then I read about 2 others on Clomid who got + today on 8 dpo and 9 dpo.
I want so badly to hold off testing till the day FF has told me to test, the 11th, 13 dpo. I know I will probably test each day till then and beyond if I have to.
I started off the day feeling very sad today (actually stayed in pjs and been lounging and wheepy too.) :O(

I tried to remind myself today over and over that this cycle has already been a success, I ovulated earlier, stronger, my cd 3 and cd 10 bld wk came back well and my 4 dpo (cd 21) p4 was 22.2, and the first round of Clomid did not cause me many if any s/e. When I started this cycle that is all I wanted, was to respond, and that I did. Now I am getting greedy and I want my +.

My BBT has remained up there, can't remember how many days I posted about last time, but 6 dpo was 98.33, 7 dpo was 98.37, 8 dpo was 98.65 and today, 9 dpo was 98.47 so it is still up there.

We continue to pray! Please, please pray with us.

We will be more then overjoyed when our miracle is finally created.

GOD, know that we are ready and waiting :O) Thank You!!

My Progesterone was 22.2 on 4 dpo

YAY! I am so excited that I am in tears. I was so bummed earlier and so relieved now. The Clomid is working, I had a good ovulation. Yay, I am so happy. Now, wish us luck with a BFP.

Feeling discouraged today :o(

I am just having one of those days. It has been a while. I called and lm at Dr office to see if they have my prog results back, awaiting a call back and just started feeling sad and discouraged. I am so afraid that they are going to say that it was so low, that I didn't ovulate, but I know I did. I got two peak days on my fm, my cervix was HSO and I felt ovulation (a bit on both sides this cycle and as always, more so on the L side).

I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I am so afraid of what if's...what if it didn't raise my prog, what if Clomid doesn't work for us, what if we never have a baby. Oh, just thinking and typing those words brings tears to my eyes.

I want more then anything to be a Mommy and I feel so ready. We have waited (ttc) for 1 year this month and it has been so trying, in so many ways. Josh and I have gotten closer on many levels. I talk to him about things I never could have imagined I would, cm, cervical position, etc... He is so awesome about it. He tries to understand all the lingo, AF, BD, LP, etc... He has been such a support to me, just sticking it out and hanging out by my side through all the stuff I do to ttc.

I am praying so hard that this is our lucky month. Not just for us, but for my Mom and Dad and the rest of my family. I want to give them a grand baby, a niece or nephew, a great grandchild, etc...

I just have had this feeling this cycle, things have just felt so right. The ovulation occurred on time (showed on fm for a change), I'm on the Clomid, we BD on all the right days (leading up to ovu, during and after) and I have just felt so hopeful and positive, but now awaiting to hear my prog results, I am starting to think negatively again :O( I don't like thinking this way, but I am so emotionally tired/ drained from all the emotions that I have gone through over the past year ttc. I said to Josh the other day, what happens when we do someday hopefully get a BFP, then we have to hope and pray that it sticks and we don't have a miscarriage after all this time and also pray that he/she will be okay.

I am listening to the radio and a song just came on saying, not to worry, cuz worry is wasted. I know this is true, but it is so hard sometimes.

GOD please give me the strength to keep plugging along as it can be so hard at times and the thought of giving up scares me and really saddens me, but it would be so much easier sometimes, emotionally, physically and financially (so far we owe over $1400. in ttc medical bills and there is still more of them to come in).

I was just in our spare bedroom (which hopefully will be a nursery someday), somewhere that I try not to go to too much. I sat on the floor and looked trough some things, I prayed, I cried and I envisioned what our little one might look like. I want to feel better after typing my feelings here, I want my hope back. Sometimes (like now) I just start to look at the negative and feel so sad and discouraged. I usually try and think it will come for us in time, when the time is right, but I don't know this for sure and that is what scares me. I know this is the first round of Clomid, but secretly I have hoped that this would be it. I am so worried that something else may be wrong, with me or Josh maybe (he needs to get a SA done, I know).
Well, I guess I just keeping waiting and try to keep hoping that GOD will do what is right, when the time is right.
I will update with my results as soon as I know what they are. Hopefully they are back and I will hear today.

FYI: I have had a really crampy/ achy lower abdomen (like low pubic region) for the past couple days and have had a sore back and yest. and today feel bloated. I know these are all sx of the Clomid.

My BBT has been 97.79 1 dpo, 97.53 2 dpo, 97.88 3 dpo, 97.71 4 dpo, 97.45 5 dpo and 98.33 6 dpo(today). So it seemed to drop down yest. 5 dpo and spiked up today 6 dpo.

Please think positive thoughts for us and continue to pray that we create our miracle.

Thanks so much!

It's 2008...Happy New Year!

We had my parent's, Gramma, Cindy and Fred over for New Years Eve. I made (soy sauce/ginger marinated) chicken drummettes and tenders, fluffy fruit salad, cheese and crackers, chips, magic cookie bars, white and milk chocolate bark with pecans/ hazelnuts/ mini m&ms or peppermint candy bits. Mom made clam dip and ham/ cream cheese pinwheels. It was all good.
Tuesday morning Josh made eggs, I made bacon and toast and we ate my homemade apple butter, mmmm!
For New Years Dinner I made a turkey (about 13 + pounds), stuffing, whole made cranberry relish, broccoli and crockpot, then boiled veggies (celery, potatoes, rainbow carrots and onions with garlic, pepper and chicken broth), Gramma's whole made bread heated in the oven with butter on every slice and I made Josh's Aunt Jackies eggnog bundt cake and strawberries and cool whip for dessert. Gramma made the turkey gravy.
It was all sooo delicious and we all had a great/ fun time!

Here is to a Happy New Year! Praying our dreams come true this year.

Ovulated on cd 18

Based on peak fm readings and bbt. Fertility Friend set my ovulation at cd 18...much earlier then usual. I am getting my cd 21 (really cd 22 today) progesterone test done today. I really hope that the Clomid has helped to increase my almost non existing progesterone. Lets pray for a good number or at least progesterone supplements. I have been having lots of cramping (comes and goes, but lots of sharp/strong ones esp. yest. mostly on L side). Not much else new to report. Will update with my progesterone result as soon as I know.