)
It is not that I am not happy for someone when they get a BFP, but I just instantly feel heart broken and cry. Each time I hear or read someone else is expecting I just feel broke.
It amazes me that someone can get pregnant on the first or second try and others struggle through BFNs every month, some for years. This is what I am afraid off. I keep telling myself it has only been about 7 cycles of trying, but that is 5 cycles more than so and so and then I just feel sad. I try so hard to keep my head up and say it will happen when it is time for it to happen, but then these feelings hit me, the what ifs, what if it doesn't happen for us or it takes us years, etc... I hate when those thoughts pour through my head. I guess I just feel like a woman should be deserving of their pregnancy when I am trying and trying. If I hear someone is expecting after 6 mos or so I feel happy for them. One or two I am just jealous that it was so easy for them. I know that is awful and I don't like feeling that way.
I recently purchased a new book called Big beautiful and pregnant (for plus size women). It is written by an Ob/Gyn that specializes in plus size pregnancies and also high risk. I didn't realize however, until I got the book in the mail that this physician is from MA. I am so interested in going to her and think more and more about it everyday. See, I am one of those people that are so fearful of the doctors and was looking to give it a year before the poking and prodding began and hope that I could stay on my oral meds and attain pregnancy on our own. I am now thinking seeing her and discussing insulin treatment, etc... would be a beneficial thing to do.
Please pray for us that we have a successful cycle this month. Thinking our time to try will be anywhere around the 18th, 19th or 20th. Please send us truck loads of Baby Dust**********
We are going away to a VT Inn November 3rd-5th for our one year wedding anniversary. I can't believe it will be one year already so soon. I have loved this past year soo much and love my hubby, Josh soooo very much. He makes me so incredibly happy and I feel blessed each day to have him in my life. I feel better already just writing this and saying how much my DH means to me and I know that God has a plan for us, he brought us together from states away, our dream of a family will come true some day!
God Bless!
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Hey! I have the title of my book set on "google alert" so I get emails anytime it pops up on a website or blog... I just want to say good luck with TTC and I absolutely recommend Dr. van der Ziel. The idea for writing the book was actually born from the excellent care I received from her and that light bulb moment when I thought, "gee, every plus-size woman should get this same great advice!". She is at the Harvard Vanguard in Cambridge, right near Harvard Square.
Also, you might want to read up more about PCOS and fertility -- read the book by Collette Harris called, "PCOS and Fertility". It has some pretty good advice about various methods that might balance hormones and enhance fertility. Since you mentioned having Type II diabetes, this might be of interest to you (PCOS'ers also show signs of insulin resistance). There are also a bunch of websites about PCOS.
Anyway, hope you don't think I'm nosy! I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to add my 2 cents!
All best,
Jacqueline T (co-author of BBP)
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