19 days to go till 12-22!!!

J is 37 weeks today

So we (J, Josh and I) are in the final stretches, wahoo! Okay baby, we are ready for you...you can come any time now :O)

Great talk with J

Both Josh and I spoke with J last night. It was a great call! J seemed more friendly and open right off the bat and then Josh jumped in and she opened up some more. She said she had thought of a day for us to come...December 19th (she had mentioned this to me before).
She talked of how the agency told her she has 3 days till she can sign and that the baby would have to stay in the hospital an extra day, or in a foster home for a day or with her. I asked her what she thought of that, she said she couldn't take the baby because she didn't have anything for it (or something like that). We found out she has a new boyfriend who supports her and she'd like to return to school and work with animals. We also discussed the open adoption relationship we all hope to have. It was just a really good (relieving) conversation. The way she spoke makes us believe all over again that she has chosen us. I feel she has set her mind to this decision and she has decided she is not keeping this baby. I feel so relieved.
I was able to walk into the nursery again this morning and breath a sigh of relief.

Josh and I are so excited!

There is like 20 days until we may be meeting her...maybe less :o)

God Bless!

It clicked last night

Josh and I hosted Thanksgiving at our home this year. Mom, Dad, Grammy, Cindy, Fred and Phil came. We had a great dinner and day. Josh did the turkey...it was mmmmmm good :O) Everything was delicious! It was our first time using our China set we got for our wedding from Josh's parents. We were very excited to get to use it finally.
Grammy slept over and Josh and I put together our artificial Christmas tree yest. morning (we are putting it up really early this year as we just don't know how the month of Dec. will play out. I am getting all our Christmas stuff done ASAP and even wrote out all the cards on Wed. the day before Thanksgiving).

Well, last night after the tree was all lit up pretty and everyone (Mom, Dad and Grammy) left...they came down so Dad could cut a tree with Josh who ended up being called in to work(he's on call)and they also picked up Grammy to bring her home). Josh was still on the job and I sat alone in the living room with God's Arms CD playing (that Mom and Dad gave to us as a gift yest. morning when they got here) and just stared at the tree and it hit me, it finally clicked. As of right now, we are adopting this baby. I sat and thought about J's life and how even if she decided she wants to keep this baby, there is really no way she could. They can not afford to and live too. All the baby's hospital bills and baby expenses will be her responsibility. I so feel very sad for J that she is struggling in life and I want to see her make it better for herself. We'll never be able to thank her enough for this gift she'll be giving to us.

I have been so full of worry...what if this doesn't happen or she changes her mind??

Well, Josh believes it is going to happen and I want to believe along with him too!

We will still remain cautious and a little guarded, but we are so happy and we need to be able to live that feeling and express it...we deserve too.
I think that it is just so hard for me because this is something I have wanted for so long, much longer then the 2 years we have been ttc. And I just feel like all our hopes and dreams of this adoption are floating around in this balloon or this bubble and I am just waiting for someone to come by with a pin and pop it. I feel like it is too good to be true.

So, I will from now on promise myself I will believe...I will allow myself to believe it is going to happen and to feel the joyful feeling (like the day we found out we had been chosen) and push away the fear that has since replaced that initial joy.

Josh and I have been selected by a birth mother who is due around Christmas. We will fly out when ready and pray all goes well and we will be given the most blessed gift of all...a baby. We will love this baby and cherish he/she always as well as J for her strength and courage.

God Bless!

Our Birth Mom is 36 weeks, 1 day today

I still can't believe that we've been chosen. I have such fear of the what if. I just want the day to come so we can see if this baby will indeed be ours, this is so hard. To want something so much for so long and have it be right in front of you, but you don't actually know if you can have it...scary stuff!

Listening to all the adoption stories I try and compare them to ours and knowing that they had good outcomes, all we can do is keep praying.

I say, what is meant to be will be...I believe this, but at the same time the fear of it is very powerful. I am now at the point where I worry about the loss of the money and fear we won't have enough to continue on if this placement doesn't work.

I feel like it has to work...I feel at peace with this, believe it or not I am not as crazy as I thought I'd be during this time.
When I was pg, I didn't have a feeling it would end happily, but with this adoption, I have had a feeling from the get go that things would work out.

Please God bring this little one into the world safely and healthy and please God please allow us to be his/her Mommy and Daddy! We will never know a greater joy!!

5th Aparent class tonight

Another great and informative class! The presenter was an author of some books and an adoptee. He was great!
We also talked with another couple who has been chosen for a baby due at the end of January in NV and another couple who adopted a baby girl in September from NV...all from the same facilitator.
I will call Federal Travel tomorrow and see what I can find out. The couple who adopted in 9/08 recommended the Marriott Res. Inn (saying Fed. travel gets you great rates to stay there and also for flight and car rental).

Yesterday was my 32nd Birthday

WOW!
Josh and my Mom threw me an awesome party! It was such a good time. Mom baked me a cake and Dad decorated it with a Golden on it (he really tried...it was so funny). I'll have to post pics.
Cindy and Fred gave me an MP3 player. Mom and Dad gave me an apple peeler/corer/slicer, some really soft sage colored throw pillows and a few other things. Josh gave me some lovely perfume and a gift card to Lobster Boat...MMM!
It was a great day :O) Oh ya, C also gave Josh and I a little fuzzy doggie hat and mittens set for the baby...AWWW!
I tried calling yest. afternoon to talk with J, but she wasn't home. I'll try her again later in the week. I am not sure how much she wants us to call...
I believe she starts her 36th week of pg this week. I think she'll go 2 weeks early...we'll see!