Feeling discouraged today :o(

I am just having one of those days. It has been a while. I called and lm at Dr office to see if they have my prog results back, awaiting a call back and just started feeling sad and discouraged. I am so afraid that they are going to say that it was so low, that I didn't ovulate, but I know I did. I got two peak days on my fm, my cervix was HSO and I felt ovulation (a bit on both sides this cycle and as always, more so on the L side).

I am just feeling sorry for myself today. I am so afraid of what if's...what if it didn't raise my prog, what if Clomid doesn't work for us, what if we never have a baby. Oh, just thinking and typing those words brings tears to my eyes.

I want more then anything to be a Mommy and I feel so ready. We have waited (ttc) for 1 year this month and it has been so trying, in so many ways. Josh and I have gotten closer on many levels. I talk to him about things I never could have imagined I would, cm, cervical position, etc... He is so awesome about it. He tries to understand all the lingo, AF, BD, LP, etc... He has been such a support to me, just sticking it out and hanging out by my side through all the stuff I do to ttc.

I am praying so hard that this is our lucky month. Not just for us, but for my Mom and Dad and the rest of my family. I want to give them a grand baby, a niece or nephew, a great grandchild, etc...

I just have had this feeling this cycle, things have just felt so right. The ovulation occurred on time (showed on fm for a change), I'm on the Clomid, we BD on all the right days (leading up to ovu, during and after) and I have just felt so hopeful and positive, but now awaiting to hear my prog results, I am starting to think negatively again :O( I don't like thinking this way, but I am so emotionally tired/ drained from all the emotions that I have gone through over the past year ttc. I said to Josh the other day, what happens when we do someday hopefully get a BFP, then we have to hope and pray that it sticks and we don't have a miscarriage after all this time and also pray that he/she will be okay.

I am listening to the radio and a song just came on saying, not to worry, cuz worry is wasted. I know this is true, but it is so hard sometimes.

GOD please give me the strength to keep plugging along as it can be so hard at times and the thought of giving up scares me and really saddens me, but it would be so much easier sometimes, emotionally, physically and financially (so far we owe over $1400. in ttc medical bills and there is still more of them to come in).

I was just in our spare bedroom (which hopefully will be a nursery someday), somewhere that I try not to go to too much. I sat on the floor and looked trough some things, I prayed, I cried and I envisioned what our little one might look like. I want to feel better after typing my feelings here, I want my hope back. Sometimes (like now) I just start to look at the negative and feel so sad and discouraged. I usually try and think it will come for us in time, when the time is right, but I don't know this for sure and that is what scares me. I know this is the first round of Clomid, but secretly I have hoped that this would be it. I am so worried that something else may be wrong, with me or Josh maybe (he needs to get a SA done, I know).
Well, I guess I just keeping waiting and try to keep hoping that GOD will do what is right, when the time is right.
I will update with my results as soon as I know what they are. Hopefully they are back and I will hear today.

FYI: I have had a really crampy/ achy lower abdomen (like low pubic region) for the past couple days and have had a sore back and yest. and today feel bloated. I know these are all sx of the Clomid.

My BBT has been 97.79 1 dpo, 97.53 2 dpo, 97.88 3 dpo, 97.71 4 dpo, 97.45 5 dpo and 98.33 6 dpo(today). So it seemed to drop down yest. 5 dpo and spiked up today 6 dpo.

Please think positive thoughts for us and continue to pray that we create our miracle.

Thanks so much!